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They may call it respect, but they are looking for love.
I don’t think that there is anything wrong with giving a girl a compliment based on looks. At the same time, it is important to give them compliments on other things as well. My daughter is pretty. She is also smart and sings well. We tell her these things as do other people. She STILL has no self-confidence (she’s about to turn 11.) And while on Sundays I did put dresses on her to go to church, that is not what she spent the majority of her time in. I, myself, rarely wear dresses and do not wear make up at all. Yet, she still turned into a girly girl who loves shoes, clothes, and make up. I want to know where she came from!!! And we have the opposite weight problem…. she thinks she’s too skinny and needs to gain weight.
Some teenagers are so willing to throw away their futurefor a person just because they say nice things or they are "perfect inevery way." Real love comes with knowing someone and caring for oneanother over an extended period of time, not just loving the emotions you havewith them at the time.
Over time, infatuation can develop into love, should a person mature.
I have to agree, Holly. You can do as much damage to a child by not telling them that they are beautiful, as you can by emphasizing, intentional or not, their looks. I tell all my children, 1, 4, and 5 years old, girl and boy alike that they are beautiful. I also admire their character when they make good choices, tell them how much I love watching them use their brains to solve problems, comment on how my heart fills with love when I see them demonstrate compassion… It’s all healthy, and all needed, even the physical compliments, in moderation.
I’m the proud mother of two boys (age 9 and 14), and I often comment to them on their beauty. And on their interesting thoughts, their interests and so on. I tell them I don’t care about their marks, but that I care about their commitment to homework and school.
They love being told they’re loved. For their appearence, mind, and soul. They share their love of gaming, reading, playing, jumping etc. with me. And tell me that I am beautiful too.
I have a lovely niece (age 8). She is also beautiful, clever, funny, hard-working and interesting to be with. So I tell her the same things, and listen to her stories, thoughts, and dreams.
So, basically, all children need to be beautiful. Tell them that they are! They also need to hear that they are interesting. So tell that too. The reward is an insight into their thoughts and beliefs, which are often deep and philosophical.
Whether its scenery, or just people, it builds love into your heart.
For example: Doting loves, the love induced by Oberon's potion and in some aspects, Lysander and Hermia's love for each other; there are true loves: Oberon and Titania, Lysander and Hermia (for the first half at least, as Lysander's love switches to Helena temporarily) and Theseus and Hippolyta....
For me this was just a little girl wanting to hear her mommy say she loved her and thought she was as pretty and the other little girls parents thought their daughter was
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Love is different with infatuation.
In 2015, Rawlings began the “Letters to The Wall” project, encouraging anyone directly impacted by the war – as a soldier, conscientious objector, antiwar activist, or as a loved one of any of these – to write their personal story. On Memorial Day 2015, the first batch of 132 letters and 32 postcards were laid at the foot of the Vietnam Memorial Wall, all copied beforehand for publication on the Vets for Peace . The National Park Service collects these letters left at The Wall and may feature some in its forthcoming educational center.
He is normally infatuated with his lover.
I understand what you’re saying and I think the statistics you quoted were probably right, but I would have loved for you to comment on how nice I looked too, because I always had on my sister’s hand-me-downs and everyone had already seen them. I feel like the issue you’re saying is more fault with the parents than with a stranger.
The persistence of the infatuation lent it an aspect of genuineness.
Thank you for your post. As a mom of a daughter, age 19, I can tell you that the trend to find your self worth in your looks is born at an early age. However, my daughter is strong and conversant and sometimes a pain in the ass. She does get down on herself for her weight 5’7″ and 170 lbs, but she is beautiful both inside and out and I couldn’t be more proud. At 48, as a recently divorced stay at home mom, I went back to school to get a business degree (graduated in 2011 -Thank You very much :)) and showed my kids that it isn’t only important to get an education but to use your brain to take care of yourself. I am constantly challenged to maintain a youthful appearance in order to maintain my place in a 20 something world where I now work and play. It’s wise to give kids a balanced perspective. Our inner self that is reflected in our outward appearance, is displayed, not for accolades, but to allow their self love to shine through.
This craving caused perplexity between love and infatuation.
I have a 2 year old and have struggled with knowing if its okay to call her beautiful and cute or if I should curb my natural impulses because it is VERY important to me that she doesn’t think her value is in her physical appearance. I have decided a balance is best. She is pretty, she naturally loves all things sparkles but also obsesses over animals and loves playing with matchbox cars. As destructive as it may be for her to think being pretty is the most important thing about her it would also be destructive if her mom never told her she is pretty in a world that is telling her looks are very important. She will just grow to feel she is must not be and become all the more obsessed with the looks she doesn’t have. My mom always told me I was pretty in such a casual and free way I just decided I was so it was never something I had to worry about. It wasn’t until I hit my twenties that it even occurred to me that maybe I wasn’t really as attractive as I had always thought. But by then it was kind of a funny revelation to me. Through all of this though, knowing I was pretty, my mom telling me was, and not even worrying about it, I knew my strength and the one thing that made me special was my intelligence (which also turns out was a little overblown, but again, oh well). Somehow she made it to where I knew I was pretty but it was after thought, but it was my intellect, my wit, my superior logic that I needed to compete to maintain. I love make up and clothes and hair and shopping, but my intelligence is what I am proud of. My intelligence is what I work and fight for. And that is what I want for my toddler. Not necessarily her intelligence, but whether it is her integrity or athleticism or her empathy, or her passion, I want her to find her value there, but never worry about her looks, because that is just a given.
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